Though it's been several weeks, the glow has not faded.
Just as David defeated Goliath, our choir defeated...
our own limited potential to bring home this trophy...
Most Improved!
This anthem is a reminder that we are all winners
in God's eyes.
♪ I've paid my dues ♪
- _ - ♪ Time after time ♪
♪ I've done my sentence ♪
♪ But committed no crime ♪
♪ And bad mistakes ♪
♪ I've made a few ♪
♪ I've had my share of sand kicked in my face ♪
♪ But I've come through ♪
♪ We need to go on and on and on and on ♪
♪ We are the champions, my friends ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end ♪
- ♪ We are the champions ♪ - ♪ Most improved ♪
- ♪ We are the champions ♪ - ♪ Champions ♪
♪ No time for losers ♪
♪ 'Cause we are the champions ♪
♪ Of the tri-county area ♪
- ♪ And the world ♪ - ♪ We are, we are ♪
♪ We are ♪
♪ Champions ♪
♪ Hallelujah thine the glory ♪
♪ Revive us again ♪
I don't know the account password.
My wife did the online shopping.
No, she cannot come to the phone, she's busy being dead.
I don't need your sorrys... I need you to reset the password
so I can order a can opener
and get back to staring into the meaningless abyss
of my own future.
It is a bleak worldview, Chelsea.
Chelsea, I gotta put you on hold.
How's your new place, Wayne?
Living alone is awesome times radical times infinity.
I get to make dinner for two and then eat both.
Living the dream.
So you two aren't roommates anymore?
No.
I was just crashing on Dwayne's sofa
while he plotted how to seduce my wife.
I thought you guys were done.
Well, then, that makes it okay.
Here we go. Mmm.
Oh. I thought you were done.
Let's just go back to the way things were.
There. It's like it never happened.
That was the last gluten-free option.
Oh no. Did I miss the service?
I must've gotten the time wrong.
That's too bad. Let's get started.
See? I told y'all just because he missed church
didn't mean he was moving back to Princeton.
- Or was dead in a ditch. - We can dream.
Not very big if you live here.
Lucky for you, I am here and I am taking this choir
to the regional competition.
Regionals?
I thought we didn't qualify.
You didn't, but the Kentucky Choral Commission thought
that a director of my caliber would add
interest and... what was it? Yeah, prestige to the event.
It's the story of underdogs triumphing.
Like, uh, Emilio Estevez's hockey team
in the movie my missionary parents called
"Ducks are Mighty, but Not as Mighty as God."
- Amen. - Don't get on the wrong side of a duck.
I can see the headlines now.
"Maestro in Exile Brings Culture to Bumpkins."
I'm super excited for you to exploit us
for your own personal gain,
but try to avoid harmful stereotypes.
How 'bout we just win a real award?
I've already chosen the song.
It is "Ave Maria."
The beauty of this arrangement is its simplicity...
Basic harmonies beneath a soprano solo.
We will hold auditions.
Who knows, maybe this'll be fun.
I'm not ready... can somebody else go before me?
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Ve Maria ♪
It is a melisma miasma.
Thank you.
Not a compliment.
♪ Ave ♪
Line?
Maria!
Why are you freaking out? You sing here all the time.
Well, never alone.
Even in my head, I don't sing by myself.
What do you mean "in your head"?
Well, in my head there's really good singers and a band.
It's not a drum solo.
Until now.
They all sucked.
They think coloratura means belting like
Idina Menzel in that ice princess song.
- "Let It Go." - I can't.
I may have fallen from grace,
but I'm still at the top of my game.
Okay, Rick Pitino.
My magnum opus might still be ahead of me.
You might find some musical talent at our open mic night.
There was a dog that plays a piano.
Ironically, he is not named Beethoven.
What's ironic is me thinking that I might find talent
worthy of my skills in this backwater.
♪ Tumble outta bed ♪
♪ And I stumble to the kitchen ♪
♪ Pour myself a cup of ambition ♪
♪ And yawn and stretch and try to come to life ♪
♪ Jump in the shower and the blood starts pumpin' ♪
♪ Out on the streets, the traffic starts jumpin' ♪
♪ With folks like me on the job from 9 to 5 ♪
♪ Workin' 9 to 5 ♪
♪ What a way to make a livin' ♪
♪ Barely gettin' by ♪
♪ It's all takin' and no givin' ♪
♪ They just use your mind ♪
♪ And you never get the credit ♪
♪ It's enough to drive you crazy if you let i... ♪
Hey, you don... you don't suck.
Did you decide who gets the solo?
We gave you all night to, in your words, "drink on it."
- Ginny. - What?
She didn't even audition.
Because I don't want a solo.
Well, this isn't about what you want.
It's about what I need.
And I need a secret weapon.
Weapon? We in a war?
We are in a war.
We are in a war against mediocrity,
against crudity,
against wearing tennis shoes at your wedding.
You can't wear dress shoes with shorts.
Most Improved is not an award.
It's an indictment of how bad you used to be.
Imagine the possibility of achieving actual greatness.
And for that, we need a soloist with range,
and vibrato, and that is Ginny.
I don't like the spotlight.
We don't like to elevate the individual
at the expense of the community.
Like, if someone needs an emotional boost,
they get a solo.
Karla's cat is missing.
If Ginny doesn't want it, she won't do a good job.
Besides, I have a five octave range.
From middle C down.
- You're an alto. - You're an alto.
Where's Ginny?
Everyone's missing.
Why'd you run off and hide?
I get nervous, okay?
I mean, it's one thing to sing with the group,
but alone in front of a crowd?
I mean, my heart races, I get dizzy,
and then I sweat straight through my clothes.
I had to bring three white dresses to my confirmation.
Okay, sit here. Sit.
Sit, close your eyes.
I want you to imagine that you and I are miners,
trapped in a cave-in.
- Where am I? - School.
- Can I be in the cave? - Fine.
There is a huge boulder between us and the sunshine of life.
What do we do?
We pray.
Oh, and then, if it comes to it,
you eat my body so you can survive.
No. We move the boulder.
Anxiety is treatable.
There's exercises, there are even drugs.
My health insurance considers treating his dyslexia
as an elective procedure.
So I'm guessing it's not covered.
It is what it is.
So you just wanna sit in the cave and die?
It's not a real cave.
Well, it is to me.
We're gonna eat him first, right?
Definitely.
Wayne, what brings you here?
Like this?
Sorry, Jax, thought everyone had gone.
I was just getting comfy, you know.
I like to sleep in the old Adam and Eve tuxedo.
Uh, Y-you're sleeping here?
I thought you had a new apartment.
That was a lie.
No, I don't have the money to go anywhere else but,
I couldn't stand living with that traitor Dwayne.
I know you're angry, but he's still your friend.
He is not a friend.
Could you please put your clothes on?
Even Adam had a fig leaf.
Oh, yeah, sure. Hey, you want a beer?
- No. - Some pie?
- I'm okay. - I got a little chicken
fried steak over here...
No, could you just put some clothes on?
That's the letter "L."
Next step "M."
Do you wanna be the first hump or the second hump?
I wanna be dumb in peace.
You are not dumb.
You have dyslexia, and the website said
that making letters in new ways will help.
What's the point? I'll never be good at school.
It's like you and stage fright. It is what it is.
Can I talk to you?
I can't come to the door. I'm...
trapped under the boulder of my life going nowhere.
Did you think you could open a can with a blowtorch?
I thought the pressure difference...
y'know, science.
Do we know what he's a doctor of?
I'm ready to deal with my anxiety.
I wanna sing the solo.
- Really? - Cash needs to see
it's possible to change,
no matter what your issues are.
And what are your issues?
Withholding mother?
Big sister got all the attention?
I see what you're doing here
and your liberal talk therapy's not gonna work on me.
I guess part of me wondered
if I had any talent, would my father have stayed?
I mean, obviously he was having problems with my mother.
But that could've been my fault, too.
No, Ginny, stop it.
Women of her generation had limited options.
You broke my mom.
Not yet, but we'll get there.
Did you lose something?
Yeah, but they'll come back when they're hungry.
- They? - It's cool.
They're not venomous, they're just hangry.
Reverend, you back there?
Oh, crap. It's Dwayne.
This is a great opportunity for you guys to clear the air,
heal your wounds, and move back in together.
It's not gonna happen.
I don't want him to know I'm living here.
You gotta keep my secrets, right?
Because of the whole attorney-customer pilgrimage.
That's exactly right.
Dwayne! Hey.
Looking tall.
Doing anything new?
I need to talk...
Oh, are you expecting company?
No, no, I'm just sampling some communion alternatives.
Well, don't let me stop you.
Nope, stick to the wine.
What can I help you with?
So I tell him I'm thinking about asking Ginny to the prom.
The next thing I know, he asks her.
- No. - Yeah.
And then he has the nerve to ask me to be the best man
- at the wedding. - What did you say?
- I said yeah. - No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ah!
Something wrong?
- No. - You sure?
Yes.
Continue.
Something allowed you to conquer your anxiety
that night in the diner.
I was alone.
Wrong, I was watching you. You just didn't know it.
Weird.
What else was going on? What was in your head?
I mean, I was imagining I was Dolly Parton.
There it is.
You wanna beat your fear? Create an alter ego.
Sorry.
Tough start.
I shouldn't have apologized to him.
Ugh, and my bra's wet and I haven't washed it
in at least a month.
That's Ginny talking.
Let's tap into that alter ego.
Who is this inner diva?
Darlianna Woodbeam.
The strip miner's daughter.
She was discovered in a Florida mall while on vacation
with her friend's family 'cause her real parents
couldn't afford to buy her a ticket.
This is very specific. It's good.
Thank you.
I'm thirsty.
Uh, normally I would get a white wine.
But?
Darlianna needs a daiquiri.
Oh, I didn't ask you if you wanted anything.
Oh, Darlianna only cares about herself.
I'll get you bourbon.
- Make it a double. - Mm-hmm.
Hey, Arthur, we got your text.
"Pop's Paddock, urgent."
Some of us were concerned. Some of us were thirsty.
The entire UK basketball team is here.
I'm kidding, they're not.
But that is exactly the energy I need.
I'm buying you drinks 'cause I need you cheering Ginny.
There's nothing harder
than singing in front of your friends.
If she can get through this,
she'll have the confidence to compete in the regionals.
So go. Get yourselves lubricated.
- Not cool about the Wildcats. - You're welcome.
Oh, hey buddy.
Told you not to worry about that bite.
Milk snakes are non-venomous.
Yeah, maybe you wanna sterilize that one more time.
Anything over 100 proof should work.
Oh, also... and this shouldn't happen...
But if your fingernails start to fall out
and you sort of die for a minute,
you were bit by a different snake than I thought.
Alcohol.
Reverend Jax is jum-py.
And he's been drinking in the middle of the day by himself.
Lucky for him AA meets at the church.
Hey, farm nerd, whistle something with words!
You're up next.
- I am? - Mm-hmm.
Oh, well if anybody's ready to go before me...
Come on, you got this.
You didn't douse yourself in cheap perfume for nothing.
That's my good perfume.
No, really?
You know what, at least I took the trouble to shower.
People who live in filthy glass houseboats
should not throw stones.
Hey, I tried to hire a maid.
People get suspicious when you ask them
to bring a bunch of bleach down to the old houseboat
- at the end of the road. - You know what? You live like a pig,
and you look down your nose at people who have problems
that are not of their own making.
Okay, look, you're nervous
and you're trying to start a fight.
It's called deflection.
Oh, well, your beard is dumb.
Well, least the only person you're failing is yourself.
Oh, and your... son.
My butt whistles better than you!
Excuse me, excuse me.
Can I get a shot of grain alcohol?
Make it a double.
I'm saving you from yourself.
Wait, no.
No, I need it, please!
_
Uh... hm.
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
It's the most natural thing in the world.
I know you're in there.
I can see your hair over the door.
What is your problem?
Come on, you can do this.
You don't know how scary it is to put yourself out there,
Mr. Fancy Professor.
Dr. Fancy Professor.
Exactly, what do you know about feeling like dirt?
Every morning I open my eyes,
and for a second I think I'm gonna see Jean
lying next to me.
Getting my feet out of that bed, onto the ground,
is the hardest thing I do every day.
Only time I don't wish I was dead is when I'm making music.
It's the only thing keeping me alive.
Holy shit, that is dark.
Of course.
You keep coaching choirs 'cause you don't know
how to do anything else.
It's not coaching, it's conducting.
You keep pushing us to win this competition
because it's a challenge that you're equipped to face,
unlike the rest of your life.
You know what, I don't need your liberal talk therapy.
Hey, I know what it's like to be alone.
But you got friends.
You got a whole choir of people who will show up for you,
anytime you need.
They already did.
Now I need you to show up.
Or Darlianna.
Dealer's choice.
That was Ephram and his 20-minute whistling journey
through American history.
Next, give it up for Miss Darlianna Woodbeam.
Oh, thank God she's using the stage name.
Ginny's pretty basic.
Dwayne, put me down.
Put me down, put me down.
- This is the wrong direction... - I know you're an alcoholic.
- What? - But I wouldn't be
much of a friend if I allowed you to keep living a lie like that.
That's a lot of big talk from a guy who lied
to his best friend for ten years.
- I told you I... - Enough!
I can't be in the middle of this any longer.
Wayne's too proud to tell you that he's living at the church.
Wayne.
You got this!
This one's for the people who find you,
even when you've lost your way.
♪ Here you come again ♪
♪ Just when I've begun to get myself together ♪
♪ You waltz right in the door, just like you've done before ♪
♪ And wrap my heart 'round your little finger ♪
Over the years I've counseled hundreds of couples.
And the only time they get this mad
is when they truly love each other.
We're not a couple, we're friends.
We were friends.
You're right. You're not a couple.
But you're not just friends, either.
You're family.
So work it out!
I need a drink.
♪ All you got to do is smile that smile ♪
♪ And there go all my defenses ♪
♪ Just leave it up to you and in a little while ♪
♪ You're messin' up my mind and fillin' up my senses ♪
♪ Here you come again ♪
♪ Lookin' better than a body has a right to ♪
♪ And shakin' me up so that all I really know ♪
♪ Is here you come again ♪
♪ And here I go ♪
♪ Here I go ♪
A man can be forgiven for falling in love with her.
I really tried not to, but...
I know.
♪ Here I go ♪
No, no, no, no, no.
No more hiding in the background.
You are a soloist.
And a mediocre piano player, at best.
Who else can play?
See what you can do with "Ave Maria."
Oh, here.
It's just a little thank you gift from me and Cash.
A manual can opener. Is that all I'm worth?
Well, get us through regionals and I'll buy you an electric one.
All right, that's the last of it.
I'm officially ready to move back in.
Come on, buddy.
It makes my heart glad to see
you are back to being roommates.
Like Bert and Ernie in that kid's show
"It's Okay If You're Gay If You Don't Acknowledge It."
Haven't seen it.
Were Bert and Ernie gay?
Totally.
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com